Shawty Wanna Thug

Tommy pops the collar of his pale pink Abercrombie polo, then carefully resituates two of the foremost locks in his meticulously groomed mane. He steps back to admire his work in one of two full length mirrors on his bedroom wall. As he is stunning the room with his best Blue Steel, his iPhone raucously blares the first four lines of 'Straight Outta Compton'. He picks it up and finds the text message "wer u @ yo?" in the center of the screen. Tommy pockets the phone and does a final mirror check before turning to his dresser for a healthy, three dollar splash of Acqua di Gio. He then grabs his bag, bolts down the stairs, almost sprinting for the front door and completely ignoring the voice calling his name from the kitchen. Once outside, he immediately slows his pace to a casual saunter, making his way toward the slate gray Porche parked at the curb. As he nears the vehicle, the passenger side window slides down to reveal his best friend Paul sporting a sideways Yankees cap and bobbing his head to the high decibel sounds of 'Party in the USA', over which Paul can barely be heard yelling, "What up, T-bone?" while throwing a sideways peace sign. Tommy opens the back passenger side door, throws his bag on the seat and climbs into the vehicle. On the way to their destination, they stop at a Starbucks to grab a couple of over sweetened coffee drinks with which to kick off the day. Their travel conversation consists primarily of incomprehensible slang, seemingly quoted at random from 'Malibu's Most Wanted'. When they arrive at their destination, they notice almost everyone has already gone inside, so they down their coffee, grab their bags and run toward the building, hoping that they aren't late. Just as they reach the large double doors, though, they hear the bell ring twice, signaling that they are in fact tardy for their very first day in the fifth grade at Harding Elementary School.